Just Dating

I cannot tell you how many conversations I have had with friends at DC’s Sports Bar about the state of dating in Lakeland. There seems to be this idea in Polk County that one’s only purpose is to get married and have babies as soon as you can. Even the divorced people are looking to get married again.

As a single guy, I have written several articles explaining that Lakeland, Florida is not an easy place for dating. Locals will tell you, Lakeland is a couple’s town; oh you can meet a woman to marry, but just know she is going to already have kids. If you are someone who just wants to date, to meet singles for dinner, drinks and to build community, the scene is pretty sparse.

Oh, there are single college girls dancing to a mixture–hip hop and country—at Hurricanes, Irish locals and soon to be couples at Molly’s. Linkster’s a nice place to meet people you already know but a little expensive to try to charm someone you do not know. Southside is too dark and smoky to see a date. At Ted’s they are just a clique; I personally think everyone in there went to school together. Docks, Boots & Buckles and Mojo are a bit of a drive and a bit more of a drive if you end up having a couple.

Coffee shops, bookstores, and churches are a fine way to meet people in Lakeland you would want to call friends, but you have to come to those places with other purposes in mind besides dating. The last thing you want to be is that one lone guy or girl walking around a coffee shop or bookstore trying to make random eye contact with strangers!

One option, which I have several friends have tried, is on-line dating. At first thought the idea of meeting someone off the internet seems so cheap and fake. We have all heard the stories of old men pretending to by young cute girls. Most of us have seen a beautiful woman’s photo on-line, only to find out that “pic” only showed one of her three chins.

At the same time, in a perfect world wouldn’t it be great if we could give our dates a pre-screening form before we go out with them? When you fill out a profile for on-line dating, you’re basically completing an internet resume of likes and dislikes, ideals and perspectives. A couple of the newer dating sites even go as far as having you check boxes which help you identify your perfect mate. Short (check), Bald (check), well dressed (check), Poor Social Worker (CHECK)! The idea is that a woman could see my list and decide she has to contact me. Again, that is in a perfect world.

In all honesty I have tried a number of dating sites in the past. Match.com was okay. ‘Lots of women in Tampa and Orlando, but I felt like I paid a lot just to send messages to get to know people. EHarmony seemed a little too—goody two-shoes. And Craigslist! All I can say is stay away from Craigslist for dating! One site that at one point I met a number of nice Lakeland women on was Plentyoffish. A number of my friends locally swear by Plentyoffish because every aspect of it is free. Profile, searches, emails, photos are all free. The site makes its money off ads and just lets people lay out who they are and what they are looking for. Over the last three years, I’ve probably gone out with three different women from the site and even dated one of them long term. It is not that an adult cannot casually date in Lakeland; the opportunities to meet people at street fairs, first Friday, car shows, motorcycle rallies or art shows are almost weekly.

Being somewhat new to Lakeland, I would love to hear in your comments this week, suggestions for singles in Lakeland. Do you have a favorite place to take a date? Is there a hidden hot spot that you know of for meeting people? I know I spend a lot of time in my articles talking about taking time for self-care, and centering spirituality practices. But you and I, we are not islands and sometimes at the end of the day, the scripture that hangs on my spirit is very simple: “It is not good for man to be alone.” (Gen 2:18)